Ah Bye!

2008 is ending and so is this blog.

Looking back, a lot has happened. I don't know if you ever noticed, I see myself changed a lot. By just reading back my blog archives from February till recent, I see drastic change. The first half of the year was certainly a lot happier, at least it seems like it from the archive. I still remember very clearly, even with all the tormenting thoughts, I was a lot happier for some reasons that are for me to know. I use to blog about happy stuff with a lot of colourful pictures. Even when I said I was emo, I can still give you a big fat smile at that time.

Second half of the year was a downfall. Health, grades, relationship, simply everything except friendship, I'm glad to say. "Really?" you may ask. Haha. These, I know for myself. More words flooded the post, mostly emo words. Happy pictures rarely appear anymore. More posts have been written for the sake of letting out and were sent into draft because I don't even want to read it myself for its too painful and emo. I hate to see myself in this shape but gosh! I can't help it. I haven't been this torn apart before but oh wells *shrugs* Life's like that, I guess. Oh I've certainly tried to make things better for myself. It somehow didn't worked out very well. But I'm sure it will when we embrace the new year =)

However, this year end holiday have lightened up my spirits a bit. So I guess it is still a happy ending for the year aite!

With that, I shall leave this emo wreck as it is.
New link will be announced when 2009 arrives =)

Happy New Year and Happy Holidays people.

Hohoho

First week of holidays.

Pictures paint a thousand words so let them do the explaining.
The Queen is back and is damn tired *yawns*

So far, my favorite Christmas Tree

lovely <3oops! heehee!

with love =)
yum yum
pulut kuning with rendang . its sinful XD
simply innovative
White Christmas. I like =)

Alice in Wonderland *sweat*
Hi I'm Alice. Lets have tea wtf
Its YIP MAN not I-P Man!
nice one =)
they somehow managed to turn the mall into almost a forest.

My abusive lala friend
you don't want to know how abusive he is *sigh at my fate*I don't get it. why circus for Christmas deco? eeeek!

and of course, met with The Mate and went to this bungalow to shop.
and ended all sweaty and sticky and hot and lets-get-out-of-here-asap.

A happy woman. or am I? =)

I feel like saying "Lets go watch Bolt!"
But I don't have the strength and courage anymore.
I'm drained. Very drained.
Imagine deflated balloon. Thaaats right. Deflated balloon.

Merry Christmas!

Even When The Whole World Is Offered

Are you there
Don’t turn back
I’m inching towards you
One step at a time
Don’t give anything to me anymore
Now, I will give to you first

Don’t again, don’t again
Love like that anymore
A heart that will not be exchanged
even when the whole world is offered
Even though everything will be forgotten

Little by little, little by little
A love that burned wildly
will be the only thing left in my heart

Don’t remember things that already passed
How much were you suffering alone
I’m so sorry
Don’t think about the things
that hasn’t arrived yet
Just stay at this time
longer and longer

Don’t again, don’t again
Love like that anymore
A heart that will not be exchanged
even when the whole world is offered
Even though everything will be forgotten
little by little, little by little
A love that burned wildly
will be the only thing left in my heart

Don’t again, don’t again
Love like that anymore
A heart that will not be exchanged
even when the whole world is offered
Even though everything will be forgotten
little by little, little by little
A love that burned wildly

will be the only thing left in my heart

Red Bean (Translated)- Lee Bo Ram
East of Eden OST

The Road Not Taken

The Road Not Taken
-Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-------------

I once thought that I am a girl who knows what I want and I always get to decide stuff for myself. Big stuff, small stuff. I decide which high school I want to go. I decide what stream I want to take. I decide which friend I want to make. I decide how much I should spend. I decide who I want to talk to. I decide which uni I want to go to. I decide what I want to major in. I decide what I want to be. I decide who I want to like. I decide what I want to tell my parents. I also always told myself before I make a decision. Alexa Goh, this is your own decision and you cannot blame anybody and cannot regret. You have to go on with whatever odds that come with the decision you made.
I was always happy with my decision I made for myself. I always accepted the odds that came with it and I've gone through them easily.

One thing I cannot decide though. Is my emotion. I cannot decide when to be happy, when to be sad, when to b e angry, when to feel stupid, when to feel like running away, when to feel hyper. Can people actually control that???

Anyways, this time, its a little different. I regret. And for the first time, I'm admitting that I regret. I really do. If time will turn back, I will take the other road, the road not taken. But the fact is, it won't turn back. So I'll have to bear with it.

All the best Alexa Goh. Its something you have to go through yourself because of your own did. And the road taken has made all the difference.

Night world.
Don't sleep with regrets so start holding on to whatever you have now.

xoxo

A Reason to Smile

Summary of a conversation:

"Eh lets go to your house and eat pan mee on Monday"
"Okay" *that's random*
"Don't forget our date ok?" *excited*
"Okay make it 10am" *she must have been starving like hell in camp*
"Bring us eat nice pan mee ok?" *she comes all the way from OUG to eat pan mee alone?*
" (continues babbling about camp) "

Monday morning:
9am- Alarm rang, brushed teeth, yawned, went back to sleep.
9.30am- Woke up with a jerk and "shit! get dress get dress!"
9.55am- "Wait! Let me get dressed first!"
10am- Opened gate, closed gate, walked towards the silver Kelisa, gestured to ask the driver to drive, opened car door, sat in, looked at the driver *why is she not driving yet, I'm starving*

Heard a noise behind. Before turning, thought she brought Jamie or Caryn or both. Turned head saw no one at the back seat. Eyes caught something black-ish with curly hair below the seat *omg there's a human hiding*

That human tilted her head and...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I was totally awake for like 10 minutes, busy yelling and screaming and did I hit Sara?

Anyways, the woman is back!

from New York baybeh~

Yesterday was certainly my day. Except the fact that I was very dreamy and not having enough sleep from the previous sleep over with the sister.

I certainly had fun chatting on my bed =) oh and we did stripping too right? hahahahaha! Eh we're not hamsap. We went all "naked" and spilled the whatever fulanka mood and whatever in betweens and whatever shit there is to tell. And mine was suppose to be scheduled on 1st of January but they somehow made me spill, with the "Sara tell a little, Alexa tell a little (and Rachel laugh)" game. What kinda game is that!! Raaawrr! But its nice to know that I'm not alone and we are all on the same boat... uh.. bed. Haha! But Sara you are lucky =)

Since Rachel's back, so are all the normal rituals. The over ordering of food, the eating a lot, the blaming Sara century... aaaaand...

nonsense nonsense nonsense!

and all of a sudden...

zzzzzzz

i love you guys =)they made my day!

I don't understand

I'm back! =) I realize I don't blog about happy stuff anymore. I should! but sorry to disappoint you, today's another stupid emo sial post. Coz unhappy stuff will all be thrown here, and happy stuff will be remembered. ok? ok!

***

I don't understand.

Today, I really don't understand. But there are a lot of things that I don't understand in life. I don't understand why people wana do their PHd at the age of 50. I don't understand why my voice sound like a man when I recorded it. I don't understand why dogs have four legs and we have two. I don't understand how Andrea can stand having long long finger nails and doesn't have the least intention to cut it. I don't understand how Cecelia Ahern can make the words in her book sound like lines in the movies. I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand. and I don't go look for the answers for these little things.

So this shouldn't be any different.

***

Had breakfast with haraboji Jun today =) He's going back to Korea then off to US so we will miss you haraboji!!He bought us mittens! So thoughtful and cute I like mine! weeeeeee! Have a safe trip back haraboji! and your assignment is still with me >.<

Hahaha!
Cacat cacat cacat!
Chukkikoya chukkikoya!
noooooormally~
nonsense nonsense nonsense!
why are we famous?
because we AAAAR!


hasta la vista! ***

Got my latest geek gadget from PC fair today. There!

The specs are chun-er than the over-priced Sony Cybershot I initially wanted. And the price is a happy price. Got photo editor in the camera itself somemore! Can put cute frames around the pic like some lala pictures somemore!

I swear I'm going to own a SLR someday!

and I forgot to get an external hard disc and a new mouse. raaawr!

***

Here's a tag I stole from Tin to put off some steam off my boiling head. There you go.

Favorites
Favorite season: malaysia season
Favorite color: orange (like duh~)
Favorite time: night time
Favorite food: food
Favorite drink: drink
Favorite ice cream: ice cream
Favorite place: my room
Favorite sport: swimming
Favorite actor: alexa goh
Favorite actress: alexa goh

9 Currents
Current feeling: frustrated
Current drink: water
Current time: 5.43pm
Current show on TV: High School Musical 2
Current mobile used: nokia 5610
Current windows open: msn, facebook, blogger, tin's blog
Current underwear: colourful topshop
Current clothes: sungei wang rm15 tshirt, mng jeans (and i haven change too wtf)
Current thought: I did something brave but stupid

7 Firsts
First nickname: wu da jun~ goh big juinn
First kiss: muacks!
First crush: crush
First best friend: is very pretty and i wonder where on earth is she now
First vehicle I drove: is my loyal kia
First job: teacher
First pet: my sister

7 Lasts
Last drink: water
Last kiss: mirror
Last meal: meal station's porridge
Last website visited: tin's blog
Last movie watched: god!

Last TV Show watched: the world they live in

****************************************

1. My ex is: very my ex
2. Maybe I should: yell at somebody
3. I love: my piano
4. I don’t understand: a lot of things in life especially today
5. I lose: in everything when my counterpart is you (Toh, 2008)
6. People say I’m: smart and sexy (and i still lose in everything when my counterpart is you)
7. Love is: something beautiful but can be painful so be careful
8. Somewhere, someone is: dancing waltz
9. I will always: try and try harder no matter how tired I get
10. Forever is: possible
11. I never want to: fall in love
12. I think the current US President: is hot and sexay
13. When I wake up in the morning: I yawn and go back to sleep so that I can dream of things that won't come true
14. My past was: what made me today (Toh, 2008)
15. I get annoyed when: people say unnecessary things
16. Parties are for: party animals
17. My dog is: fake
18. My cat is: dead coz i hate cats (i don have a cat la haha)
19. Kisses are the best when: you're kissing the right person
20. Tomorrow: I am not going out
21. I really want: to erase some of the memories
22. I have low tolerance for people who: smokes and gives unnecessary comments
23. I would like: to watch gossip girl now

bye bye~

Eh!

Eh tomorrow is my last paper and I'm going to...

drown myself with all the soap dramas.
and get rid of fulanka.

bye bye.

xoxo

1. I don't like Vanessa and Nate. Jenny Humphrey, do something, QUICK!
2. Can Chuck and Blair just get together for goodness sake!!
3. Can Dan and Serena just freaking get together too! I'm very tired seeing them like that la aiyo!
4. Yay Rufus and Lily!
5. Sorry Bart T__T but you're an insecure jerk. bleh!
6. When is the Aaron freak going to go away! I don't like him! and now comes a Lexy? eeeeek!

saving the best for last...

7. "So just shut up and dance with me" said Chuck *faints* *wakes up* *grins* *faints again*

The past weekend seem to be a very sweet weekend. She had two weddings to attend, she had one to attend, I was suppose to attend one too. Weddings. haha. Sweet.

I came across a nice phrase the other day. I forgot where I read it.
It goes something like that,
Trust, Relation, Heart break without a sound, but pains a lot.
true enough =)

I love rainy days, like today =) *plays River Flows In You*

I wish I never have to wake up from the series of dreams I had.
and I'm a little bit sick of the fulanka mood now heehee.

I'm not that resilient after all.

Satu Lagi

Updates on Finals!

Yesterday I had a funny paper coz its Malaysian Studies. A guy from my class didn't even know there's exam until somebody told him earlier (luckily) and he came without pen and stuff. Two friends of mine only found out there's finals the day before. That just goes and shows how important Malaysian Studies is.
I needed around 7-10 more marks to pass actually. But I flipped through the book anyways. I was thinking of screwing essay and just do my best in MCQs and Matching. But I did my best in the essay part haha! I guess when you're in the exam hall the vibe is just there you can't just leave the paper blank. At least I can't do it.

Same goes for Bio today. I really really wanted to leave question number 2 blank but I just couldn't so I drew two cells for dear Mr. Deva, one even without labeling and explained what I know in the shallow-est manner. He's going to laugh at me boo T__T Explaining the possibility of a son getting Hemophilia A is even funnier. but I tembak-ed my Punnett Chart correct haha *insert the wiggle emoticon here* The rest were okay. Osmosis :s the confusion of hypertonic and hypotonic which I thought I will never ever get it correct even though we've been learning it for the past 6 years in high school! I got it correct this time *wipes tears*

Mitosis and Meiosis is really a pain in the ass. Whenever I see this topic I think of my form 5 bio teacher who has a very very very very annoying voice. She always forced us to draw the mitosis and meiosis process and she was damn OCD. A little bit never label or draw wrongly her annoying voice will haunt you forever. And she'll go "zuo tin qiau! hua liao mei you!!!!!" hahahahahahahahahahahaha! coz we'll be talking away in class and pass up a stupid drawing for her. MCQ *no comment* I completed the part very fast, as usual.

My MCQ solving procedure:
1. Read Question --> Know? --> Read Options of Answers given --> Circle answer (sure or not sure oso circle one answer)
2. Read Quesion --> Dont know? --> Scan through Options --> Circle the answer with the most familiar technical terms (it'll never go wrong i tell you! technical terms learnt from photographic memory.. yooou wish! bleh!)

Oh and I never never go back to check my MCQ questions, consider again my answers and all. I had my experience on that and I have a tendency to think too much then when I change my answer, it'll appear that the previous answer is the correct one. So, I trust my first instinct la if I dono how to do heeee!

I look totally horrendous today because I officially started studying at 1am last night, I mean this morning, and slept for only two hours. I was damn relax ok I dono why! until 1am I was still at the 1st chapter omg! But I found that last minute study for bio works. Last time in high school oso. But need to sacrifice the pretty face and become fugly for a day la.
But it doesn't work for psych! boo! Meaning, I have to start studying today for my lastest lastest last paper on Thursday!
Dr. Goh is honored to lecture the last lecture I was attending in HELP and Dr. Goh is also honored to be giving me my lastest last exam in HELP and in Malaysia. So Dr. Goh should also be honored to give me higher marks *amen*

I blogged because I'm tired and I don't feel like doing anything. *yawns* I don't even feel like sleeping.

one more to go.
and I'm no I'm not free yet.
I have stuff to think through booo!

bye bye.

This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.

In Between

*flips open Bio book* *looks at the thickness of the 1300 pages book* *took out the torn page tore by my friend RAAAAAWARRR* *comes online and blog*

***

Remember feeling down but you'll just laugh? but you're not really happy? and not really sad either?

Remember feeling loved but somehow inside you its just empty? There's no significant someone still, but you feel loved. but when you look around, that somebody is just not there.

A friend of mine just reminded me of that feeling. I always rant about this feeling actually. But I haven't look into it because it didn't really bother me.

I like it like that rather than the balance scale slanting towards the sad side. The feeling is like the balance scale is moving up and down between happy and sad. Yea. I like it like that, for now. Of course it will be so much better if it slants towards the happy side. But if that's not going to happen, then don't force it to happen. Keep on the balancing point. That's enough for now. Just hope that it won't suddenly weigh to much on the sad side. The whole thing might just break and fall apart.

and tonight, I think I'm choosing "Absence makes the heart grows fonder". "Out of sight, out of mine" is too mean la ladies!!!! heeheehee!

here's to the Real Face =) ***

I really hate my book being cacat-ed ok! Why I lend ppl my book they cannot take good care of it! Torn adi how to study! I'm very OCD ok! Didn't even say sorry! RAAAAAAWRRRR!! Don't tell me you don't know you tore out the page! Or the photocopy lady tore out! I don't care its still your responsibility to take care of ppl's book! *slams table* *KILLS* *breathes in and out*

Yesterday's Spanish was a bit of a disaster. The first passage for comprehension was a total alien language to me, like I have been learning Korean for the semester and yet sitting for a Spanish exam. The rest was quite ok. I think I wrote my essay pretty well heehee. Grammar part was a tad bit harder than I expected but I managed to figure it out. After all, its just MCQs heehee.

Today's Critical Thinking? haha! I find the Robert Fisk's article given was quite easy compared to the exercise we did in class. Not easy. Just easier compared to the one we did in class. Its kinda straight forward, no beating around the bush, not so much of implying and not so much of playing-around-with-words that will make some articles hard to analyze. Anyhow, the last part was again a disaster. I didn't have sufficient time to structure my argument and premises in the last 15 minutes. The essay started with crap and ended.. no there's no ending because at 10am sharp, Dr Shalini snatched away my paper. I didn't even close the booklet properly. Yea didn't manage to finish my last sentence. FEW MORE WORDS OSO DON'T LET ME WRITE!!!! HMPH!!!!
oh then after exam I went home and slept like a dead person heehee. But I managed to do a recording heeeeee *shy* Kiss the Rain with lyrics heeeeeee! I miss my piano now. *resisting temptation*

With that, there's still Malaysian Studies, Bio and Social Psych to go. I just need 7 more marks for M'sian Studies. I need a lot more for Bio to get a B! B+ please. Is A- possible? *dreams* Its just bio bleh. Except for meals and bathes and two hours of my final lecture at HELP tomorrow and two hours of Malaysian Studies on Thursday, I need to sit here and study until Friday morning. Yea boo >.< Tomorrow's lecture is going to be the final lecture I'm attending at HELP *hopefully, if not I jump down from KLCC* T__T

bye bye
love love~

Smile

Something amazing happened today! After some very heavy emotions for the past few days, finally there's a reason to smile from the heart!

see this? its actually two stars and a crescent moon!

I was very sad when I ran out of the house and I couldn't see a thing. Then I was like "WHERE IS THE MOON?!! WHY NO MOOON!!" Mum who just came back from pasar malam said "Got what.. today is crescent.. go to the back room and see!" Then I ran and saw it! happee happee! not forgetting to make a wish to Mr Smiley from above!

Ok la i prolly bugged a lot of ppl to go see until they wana slap me adi but it made me smile from ear to ear so I thought it'll do some emo ppl good hehe. It worked for me! I was so hyper for a while.

Thank you Matthew!

see! even the sky wants us to smile! so smile smile even if its just for tonight! =)
tonight is anti-emo night heehee!

***

I should start revising for Critical Thinking >.< *yawns*


***

どんなに遠くにいても
変わらないよこの心
言いたい事わかるでしょ?
あなたのこと待ってるよ

だけど　目を閉じる時　眠ろうとする時　
逃げきれないよ　あなたの事
思い出しては　一人泣いてたの


どこも行かないよ　ここにいるけど

***

nite world =)